Friends, family, guests,

Thank you very much for taking valuable time to take part in my daughter-in-law and my son's wedding celebration, and for your wonderful gifts.

As the father of the groom , I should say something that's meaningful to the new couple. But they are already old enough to know all about always respecting each other and always consulting each other. So what I want to talk about is the future. Life is long, and there will always be ups and downs, so there will come a time when you will so-call "don't love" the other person ”that much". What to do then?

I think that, to know what you should do, you have to understand the whole approach that traditional Chinese thinking takes towards marriage.

Western civilization considers love to be supreme but traditional Chinese civilization does not. Instead, what Chinese civilization considers supreme has been "relationship-defined obligations". These are the various obligations that go along with various relationships, obligations that the parties in a relationship owe towards each other. For example, in the relationship between parents and offspring, the obligations that parents owe towards the offspring are that parent must raise and educate the offspring, while the obligations that the offspring owe towards the parents are that offspring must be xiao, or be good to parents, plus offspring must support and care for parents when they are old and weak.

And what are the mutual obligations between husband and wife? They are that both must work together, help each other, look after one another, draw up plans together, consult with one another, and together build a life, a family life where both the next generation is raised and the previous generation is cared for.

According to traditional Chinese thought, as long as you are one of the parties in a relationship, then whether you love the other party or not, you still must carry out your obligations to the other party. For example, whether there is love or not between the government and its citizens, the government must still protect the citizens' persons and property, and the citizens must still pay the government's taxes and obey the government's laws. Likewise, for husband and wife, there's no suddenly waking up one morning thinking "oh, I don't love you any more", and breaking the relationship.

So, when you don't so-call "love" the other person "that much", just stick to carrying out your relationship-defined obligations and the other party should do the same, then love will always return, tempered and therefore stronger than ever.

Contrary to what one might expect, not putting love as supreme but putting relationship-defined obligations as supreme often gives rise to even better and deeper love.

Thank you. Please drink up. Health! Happiness!

各位親友，各位來賓，

非常多謝你們抽出寶貴的時間來參加我媳婦和兒子的婚姻慶祝，更多謝你們美好的禮物。

作為新郎父親，我應該講一些對新人有意義的東西。但是，他們年紀這麼大了，都知道夫妻要相敬如賓，萬事應該有商量這些道理。所以，我想講一下的，就是將來的事：生命是很漫長的，雙方相處必然會有上有落，所以必然有些時候會所謂“不這麼愛”對方。那時怎麼辦呢？

我認為，想要知道你應該怎麼辦，就要明白我們中華思維傳統是怎樣看待婚姻的。

西方文明是以愛為至上的，但中華傳統文明就不認為愛是至上的。中華文明認為是至上的，是“人倫”。人倫就是各種人與人關係所附帶的各種義務和責任，即是人與人關係之中，各方所應該履行的義務和責任。例如，父母和子女之間的關係中，父母對子女的義務和責任就是要養育和教導子女，而子女對父母的義務和責任就是要對父母行孝，即是對父母要好，和要對老弱的父母奉養和照顧。

夫妻之間的義務和責任是甚麼呢？夫妻之間，雙方要齊心合力，互相幫助、互相照顧、共同策劃、互相商量，一齊建立家庭生活，既養育下一代，亦照顧上一代。

中華文明認為，只要是屬於一個關係裡面的一方，無論有沒有愛的存在，都必須履行對另一方的責任和義務。例如，無論政府與公民之間有沒有愛的存在，政府都一樣要保護公民的人身和財產安全，而公民都一樣要向政府納稅和服從政府的法律。夫妻之間亦一樣，不能夠突然一日，睡醒時侯說：“哎，我不再愛你了”，就斷絕關係。

所以，當你所謂“不這麼愛”對方的時侯，如果堅持繼續履行自己的人倫義務和責任，而對方亦一樣，亦履行自己的人倫義務和責任，那麼愛就必然會再回來，而且將會是受過磨練的、更加堅強的愛。

很奇妙的，不以愛為至上而以人倫為至上，反而會很多時得到更好、更深厚的愛。

好，多謝大家。請飲多杯。祝大家健康、快樂！