Friends, family, guests,

Thank you very much for taking valuable time to take part in my daughter-in-law and my son's wedding celebration, and for your wonderful gifts.

As the father of the groom , I should say something that's meaningful to the new couple. But they are already old enough to know all about always respecting each other and always consulting each other. So what I want to talk about is the future. Life is long, and there will always be ups and downs, so there will come a time when you will so-call "don't love" the other person ”that much". What to do then?

I think that, to know what you should do, you have to understand the whole approach that traditional Chinese thinking takes towards marriage.

Western civilization considers love to be supreme but traditional Chinese civilization does not. Instead, what Chinese civilization considers supreme has been "relationship-defined obligations". These are the various obligations that go along with various relationships, obligations that the parties in a relationship owe towards each other. For example, in the relationship between parents and offspring, the obligations that parents owe towards the offspring are that parent must raise and educate the offspring, while the obligations that the offspring owe towards the parents are that offspring must be xiao, or be good to parents, plus offspring must support and care for parents when they are old and weak.

And what are the mutual obligations between husband and wife? They are that both must work together, help each other, look after one another, draw up plans together, consult with one another, and together build a life, a family life where both the next generation is raised and the previous generation is cared for.

According to traditional Chinese thought, as long as you are one of the parties in a relationship, then whether you love the other party or not, you still must carry out your obligations to the other party. For example, whether there is love or not between the government and its citizens, the government must still protect the citizens' persons and property, and the citizens must still pay the government's taxes and obey the government's laws. Likewise, for husband and wife, there's no suddenly waking up one morning thinking "oh, I don't love you any more", and breaking the relationship.

So, when you don't so-call "love" the other person "that much", just stick to carrying out your relationship-defined obligations and the other party should do the same, then love will always return, tempered and therefore stronger than ever.

Contrary to what one might expect, not putting love as supreme but putting relationship-defined obligations as supreme often gives rise to even better and deeper love.

Thank you. Please drink up. Health! Happiness!

各位亲友，各位来宾，

非常感谢你们抽出宝贵的时间来参加我媳妇和儿子的婚姻庆祝，更多谢你们美好的礼物。

作为新郎父亲，我应该讲一些对新人有意义的东西。但是，他们年纪这么大了，都知道夫妻要相敬如宾，万事应该有商量这些道理。所以，我想讲一下的，就是将来的事：生命是很漫长的，双方相处必然会有上有落，所以必然有些时候会所谓“不这么爱”对方。那时怎么办呢？

我认为，想要知道你应该怎么办，就要明白我们中华思维传统是怎样看待婚姻的。

西方文明是以爱为至上的，但中华传统文明就不认为爱是至上的。中华文明认为是至上的，是“人伦”。人伦就是各种人与人关系所附带的各种义务和责任，即是人与人关系之中，各方所应该履行的义务和责任。例如，父母和子女之间的关系中，父母对子女的义务和责任就是要养育和教导子女，而子女对父母的义务和责任就是要对父母行孝，即是对父母要好，和要对老弱的父母奉养和照顾。

夫妻之间的义务和责任是什么呢？夫妻之间，双方要齐心合力，互相帮助、互相照顾、共同策划、互相商量，一齐建立家庭生活，既养育下一代，亦照顾上一代。

中华文明认为，只要是属于一个关系里面的一方，无论有没有爱的存在，都必须履行对另一方的责任和义务。例如，无论政府与公民之间有没有爱的存在，政府都一样要保护公民的人身和财产安全，而公民都一样要向政府纳税和服从政府的法律。夫妻之间亦一样，不能够突然一日，睡醒时侯说：“哎，我不再爱你了”，就断绝关系。

所以，当你所谓“不这么爱”对方的时侯，如果坚持继续履行自己的人伦义务和责任，而对方亦一样，亦履行自己的人伦义务和责任，那么爱就必然会再回来，而且将会是受过磨练的、更加坚强的爱。

很奇妙的，不以爱为至上而以人伦为至上，反而会很多时得到更好、更深厚的爱。

好，多谢大家。请饮多杯。祝大家健康、快乐！