Why should we translate xiao as "being good to parents" and not the prevailing "filial piety" or the less common "being a dutiful son"? Here are two pieces explaining why:

Some people ask me why I translate xiao into English as "being good to parents" rather than the prevalent translation of "filial piety". That's because "filial piety" is open to cultish interpretation.

What cultish interpretation? Well, around 1000 C.E., an intellectual movement came into dominance in China, and some people in that intellectual movement added some tendencies toward absolutes, excesses, metaphysics and cultish thinking onto Confucianism, originally a set of reasonable and practical tenets.

When it came to xiao some people with this mode of thinking advocated a sort of god-like worship of one's living parents, a self-deprecating all-pervasive guilt feeling, constant self-punishment as a form of "offering" and piety, excessive emphasis on obedience and prostration, excessive grieving to the point of quitting all duty and staying night and day next to the parent's grave for a full three years, and so forth and so on.

It was precisely when this mode of thinking was at its zenith, during the Ming Dynasty (1368-1644), that the Jesuit missionaries working at the Emperor's court coined "filial piety" as the term for xiao.

As advocated by the authoritative Confucian classic Xiao Jing, I think that xiao should mostly be a normal day-to-day activity of being good to parents and acting in their fundamental interests. No god-like worship of one's living parents is needed, no self-deprecating all-pervasive guilt feeling is called for, and no extraordinarily painful, self-punishing, excruciating exertion or sacrifice need be involved, except under certain special circumstances. Instead of a subjective state of mind, a "piety", I think xiao is more of an objective state, i.e. a way of conduct, indeed a whole way of living one's life.

Thus I think it is more accurate to translate xiao as "being good to parents" than as "filial piety".

People ask me why I translate xiao as being good to parents and not being dutiful to parents or being dutiful as a son or daughter. It's because xiao is more than just duty; it is a whole way of living one's life. Xiao Jing, the first and most authoritative Confucian work on xiao, says that the xiao of people occupying various positions in society, such as emperors, ministers, officers, commoners, and so forth, is to be good at their callings. Xiao Jing also says that to be xiao, one must not only serve and provide for one's parents well, but must also engage in good conduct both inside and outside the family.

Also, being dutiful often conjures up grim-faced carrying out of some painful task or of some sort of sacrifice, but xiao also includes the normal day-to-day life, the normal day-to-day interactions with parents, some of which may be joyful, like playing and not drudgery. One example is keeping parents up-to-date on one's activities and situation, which is one of the demands of xiao (see verse 12, p.7 Di Zi Gui): often truly xiao offspring have such a good relationship with the parents that updating them means enjoyable and relaxing conversation that all parties look forward to. Another example is respectfully listening when parents teach: offspring should have a relation with parents healthy enough that offspring realize the teaching from parents are greatly beneficial and something to look forward to. Teaching by parents can be fun and enjoyable: I remember well myself looking forward to and greatly enjoying the Sunday afternoon teaching of Chinese classics by my father to my brothers and me as young children.

Therefore, I feel xiao is better translated as "being good to parents".

有人问我，为什么把“孝”用英语翻译为“对父母好”而不是通行的“子女的虔诚（filial piety）”呢？因为“子女的虔诚”一词，很容易让人用狂热崇拜的角度来解释孝。

什么狂热崇拜？就是公元一千年左右，有一股思潮在中国上升为主流，而这思潮中的一些人，对本来是一套合理和实用原则的孔教，加上了绝对、过分、形而上学、狂热崇拜等倾向。

说到孝时，那思潮中的一些人提倡好像对神那样崇拜还活着的父母，对父母怀着一种贬责自己、渗透一切言行的内疚，用不断的自我惩罚来作为“奉献”和“虔诚”，过分强调服从和俯拜，过分哀悼父母乃至丢掉所有职责、在墓旁日夜守整三年等等。

正是当这学说处于巅峰时，即明朝时（公元1368－1644年)，在朝廷工作的耶稣会传教士把孝翻译为“子女的虔诚”。

好像孔教权威古典《孝经》所说那样，我认为孝主要是日常行为对父母好，为父母的根本利益行事。不需要对还活着的父母好像神那样崇拜，不需要那种贬责自己、渗透一切言行的内疚，同时，除非特殊情况之下，也不需要异常痛苦的、自我惩罚性的、不必要的辛劳和牺牲。我认为孝的主要成分，并非是主观的一种心态或 "虔诚" ，而是一个客观的状态，是一种行为，事实上是一整套生活方式。

所以，我认为把孝翻译为“对父母好”比“子女的虔诚”更为正确。

有人问我，为什么把孝翻译为“对父母好”而不是“对父母尽义务”或“执行子女的义务”呢？这是因为孝不单是义务，孝是整个生活的方式。《孝经》是孔教解说孝的最早和最具权威性的经典；它说，社会不同地位的人，例如天子、大臣、吏士、庶人等，他们的孝，都是要把自己的职责做好。《孝经》又说，要孝就不光只是供养侍奉父母好，还须要家庭内外的行为都好。

另外，“尽义务”令人联想起辛苦的事务或某样的牺牲，但孝也包括普通的日常生活，跟父母普通的日常相处。这些都不一定是劳工，亦有愉快、好像是玩游戏的。例如孝要求子女对父母报道活动和情况（见《弟子规》第七页第12句）：很多时候真正孝的子女跟父母关系很好，报道就是个很开心、很轻松、双方都盼望的会话。另一个例子就是孝要求，父母教导时要恭敬会心地听。子女跟父母的健康关系应该达到这个程度：子女们知道父母教导是非常有益的、应该欢迎的，而父母的教导，是可以有乐趣的，令人愉快的。我记得小孩子时，爸爸每星期日教我和我哥哥学古文，我那时觉得这教导多么好玩、多么令人盼望。

所以，我觉得把孝翻译为“对父母好”比较适合一些。