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Dialogues with The Elder
On Obligations and Morality -

Dialogue 2: Raising Children, Marriage



By Feng Xin-Ming, 2014

跟长者的对话 - 伦理、道德



对话二:养育儿女、婚姻



冯欣明著,2014年

(To "Dialogue 1: Having Children")
(To "Dialogue 3: The Multigenerational Extended Family")
(To "Dialogue 4: Homosexuality")

到“对话一:生儿女”
到“对话三:多代大家庭”
到“对话四:同性戀”
The Elder said:

Having and raising children is the natural morality of the universe; we are all obligated to have and to raise children. And both biological parents should marry to raise their biological children together. The multigeneration extended family is a great achievement in human morality. Persons with homosexual sexual orientations, just like persons with heterosexual sexual orientations, should also fulfill these same obligations - having different sexual orientations doesn’t mean one has different obligations...
长者说:

生儿育女,天经地义,我们都有义务和责任生孩子和养育孩子。同时,两个生理上的父母都应该结婚,一起来养育他们生理上的孩子。多代大家庭是人类道德的一个重大成就。具有同性恋性倾向的人跟具有异性恋性倾向的人一样,都应该践行这些义务和责任;具有不同的性倾向并不意味具有不同的义务和责任。。。
(Cont'd from previous: "Dialogues-1"...)

I:   Fine, fine, so one is obligated to have children. But is one obligated to raise those children? Can't one just give them up for adoption? What's more, does one not meet one's obligations to pass on one's genes and preserve human biodiversity merely by donating one's sperm or one's eggs?

Elder:   No, no, no, one is obligated to raise one's own children.

(续上篇:“对话一”...

:好吧,好吧,有责任和义务生孩子。但是,有责任和义务养育孩子吗?不能把孩子送给人家收养吗?还有,捐精或捐卵不是已经践行了传递基因、保持人类生物多样性的义务和责任了吗?

长者:不不不,有责任和义务养育自己的孩子。

I:   Why? Why must one pick up a life-long burden of debt to one's children?

Elder:   One must pick up a life-long burden of debt to one's children, because children have a right to being raised by their biological parents.

Not only does one owe to the human race the passing of one's genetic material to one's children, but also one owes to the human race the nurture of one's own children. That's because for humans, in "nurture" vs "nature", that is, in the culture that one imparts to one's children through their upbringing vs. the genetic material one imparts to one's children, "nurture" or "culture" is just as important as "nature", if not more so. Humans are the sum total expression of not just their genetic natures but also their "nurtures" or their individualized "cultures". In turn, this "nurture" is passed on by one's children to their children, and so on - one's nurture of one's children exerts effects for generations down the line. Therefore, the "nurture" or that unique, individualized culture that one imparts to one's children is just as important a part of the children's inheritence as the "nature" or genetic material one imparts. Thus, just as one owes to the human race the obligation of having children, one also owes the obligation of nurturing or the raising of one's children.

Culture is an extremely important part of a human being, and determines to a great extent whether a human survives and how well he flourishes. How a person behaves, perceives the world, and thinks is greatly dependent on the culture he is imbued with as he grows up. Therefore the culture that each set biological parents can impart to their biological children through their upbringing is very precious. Human culure is extremely complex and each person's culture is the product of long evolution, just like his genes. While each individual's culture can be broadly described as "Chinese", "American", "Russian", "Indian" or so forth, in broad national terms, within those broad language and national categories each person has his own individual culture, unique to him. Each person has a unique variation of culture, and the individual variation of culture that father and mother each brings combine to impart a yet more unique hybrid culture to the offspring. That in turn combines in the individual offspring with his genetic dispositions and abilities and various incidental random events to form still another unique individual culture in that individual offspring.

Over many generations, dad has learned from granddad and grandma, and so forth, about how to best work with the dispositions of his genes, which result in certain outlooks on life, ways of behavior, ways of interacting with the world, what marriage partner he ends up with, etc. This culture, this knowledge of how to work with one's genes should go with the genes so that the children get the best match and flourish best with them. Moreover, the individual culture unique to that set of parents also includes the physical child raising practices as well as the socio-economic status of the family, and thus determines many physical things like what food the offspring eats, what kind of breastfeeding he gets, what kind of physical care he gets as an infant and a child, etc. There’s a unique match of this culture to the unique set of genetic materials, resulting in a unique individual.

Along with the genetic material, the children have a right to the appropriate matching unique upbringing and culture. It’s from the same persons as the genes and it’s part of their inheritance. They inherit your genes, so they should inherit your culture. You owe them that because it’s just as unique as your genetic material.

If you give your children up for adoption, or, what amounts to the same, if you begat them by merely donating sperm or egg, you are depriving them of their inheritance and you’re lessening their potential. The children may not may not flourish to their full potential, and you have messed with the destiny that evolution has been taking. There may be a trajectory of magnificent culmination of genes and culture in your children, which may result in one of them becoming the most recent commona ancestor, but by giving them up for adoption you’ve thrown them into another couple's arms, and you’ve mismatched the genes and the culture. This mismatch may mean a complete reversal of the progress that the evolution of human individuals has made, who are the sum of not just genes but also individual cultures. This mismatch can be very, very serious; it could mean, just as the genetic material could, the survival or the flourishing of the human race.

Since we don't know what the future may bring and what kind of humans the future will select for, therefore we must ensure not only the biodiversity of the human race, but also its individual cultural diversity. Again, just as anyone can be that most recent common ancestor of the human race genetically hundreds of thousands of years from now, anyone can also be that ost recent common ancestor of the human race culturally hundreds of thousands of years from now. Therefore, one owes to the human race the obligation of raising one's biological children.

:为什么?为什么要负担起一生的儿女债?

长者:必须负担起一生的儿女债,因为孩子有权利享有自己生理父母的养育。

我们不但有义务和责任把基因传递给儿女,而且也对人类负有义务和责任养育儿女。这是因为人的“养育”跟“天然”的对比中,亦即通过养育而送给子女的文化跟送给子女的基因的对比中,“养育”或“文化”跟“天然”一样重要,也许更为重要。一个人不仅是基因的天然表达,而且是个别“养育”或个别“文化”的表达。这个“养育”也反过来被子女们传递给他们自己的子女,一路这样传下去:一个人对子女的养育会一路影响下去,影响很多代人。所以,一个人传递给子女的那份独特的、具个别性的文化,作为子女所继承的财富,跟传递的“天然”基因一样重要。因此,正如我们对人类负有生子女的义务和责任一样,我们也对人类负有养育子女的义务和责任。

文化是一个人极端重要的一部分,在很大程度决定一个人生存与否和生存得多么旺盛。一个人行为怎样,怎样看待世界,怎样思维,都很大程度上取决于他长大时被灌注的文化。所以每一对父母通过养育而赋予生理子女的文化是非常宝贵的。人类文化非常复杂,每一个人的文化都好像他的基因一样,是长期进化的产品。虽然一个人的文化可以以广阔地描述为某民族的,例如“中国”、“美国”、“俄罗斯”、“印度”等,但是在这些民族言语范围之内,每个人都有自己个别的文化,是独特的,而每个父亲和母亲所带来的个别文化品种,又联合起来,赋予子女一个更为独特的混合文化。这又跟个别子女的基因倾向和能力及各个偶然事情联合起来,在那个子女中产生一个更独特的个别文化。

经过多代,父亲从祖父和祖母那里,等等,学到怎样跟自己的基因配合,构成某种对生活的看待方式,行为方式,跟世界互动的方式,等等。这个文化,这个怎样发挥自己天赋基因的方法,应该跟基因一起传递给子女,让他们能够得到最好的组合,最旺盛地生活。此外,那对夫妇独特的个别文化也包括他们养育子女的方法和他们的经济社会地位,便决定了很多物质东西,例如孩子吃什么、怎样喂人奶、作为婴儿和小童时得到什么肉体上的照顾、等等。独特的基因,有与其配合的独特的文化,构成独特的个人。

除了基因之外,孩子们还有权利享有与其配合的、适当的独特养育和文化。他们承受了你的基因,所以也应该承受你的文化。这是你欠下他们的,因为文化跟基因一样独特。

如果你把子女送出来给别人收养,或结果相同地只通过捐精或捐卵来生下他们,那么你就剥夺了他们的遗产,减少了他们的潜力。子女们可能不会达到他们的潜力,你就搅乱了人类进化的进程。可能人类进化在你的子女身上本来应该达到了辉煌的基因和文化组合,使到他们变为人类的最近共同祖先,但是因为你把他们送出来给别人收养,你把他们抛入了另一对夫妇的怀抱里,把基因配合了错误的文化。这个错误的配合可能意味完全废掉了人类基因配合文化而进化所取得的成果。这个错误的配合可能非常非常严重,可能跟基因本身一样,意味人类的生存与否或人类的旺盛与否。

因为我们不能知道将来世界会怎样,所以我们必须不但保护人类的生物多样性,也要保护人类的个人文化多样性。正如任何人都可以在基因上成为人类最近共同祖先,任何人也可以在文化上成为人类最近共同祖先。所以,我们对人类负有养育自己生理子女的义务和责任。

I:   So both the biological mother and the biological father owe the same obligation to the human race to raise their biological children?

Elder:   Yes, most assuredly so.

:那么,生理上的母亲和生理上的父亲都一样对人类负有养育生理上的子女的义务和责任吗?

长者:对,当然是这样。

I:   Then doesn't that mean the biological mother and father have to get together to raise their biological children together? Doesn't that mean they have to get married?

Elder:   Yes, absolutely.

Marriage is the relationship of permanent mutual help between a male and a female to discharge their obligations to mankind to have and to raise children. Marriage provides a defined environment for sex between the male and the female to begat children. Then marriage provides for permanent mutual help between the male and the female to raise the children.

:那么,生理上的父亲和母亲不就是需要结合起来共同养育生理上的子女吗?那不就是意味要结婚吗?

长者:对,绝对是这样。

婚姻就是一种男女之间永久性互助的关系,让他们能够践行对人类负有的生子女和养育子女的义务和责任。婚姻提供一个固定的环境,让男女之间交配生子女,然后又提供男女之间养育子女的永久性互助。

I:   How do you mean by saying that marriage provides a defined environment for sex between the male and the female to begat children?

Elder:   It's mainly about exclusive sex - having sex exclusively within the marriage, also known as chastity. This is important because if the woman is chaste, then the husband can be sure he's raising his own children. If the woman is not chaste and come to have another male's children but doesn't marry that male, then she is depriving that male of the opportunity of raising his children. To remain moral the woman must marry multiple husbands. If the woman is chaste but not the man, then for the man to remain moral he must marry multiple wives. Historically multiple wives is the norm rather than multiple husbands because males have much more earning power than females and one male often can support multiple wives.

Speaking of the term "historically" in the same breath as the term "chastity", , I must point out that in the course of human development, it was female chastity that brought about marriage, and it was marriage that brought about civilization. Before marriage, in primitive matrilineal societies, women raised the young by themselves, hoeing the cassava with baby on their backs and another child at their side, while men lived together, frittering away their days with their war songs and war dances, their hunting for decorative feathers and their instigating of feuds with neighboring clans. When men felt the need for sex they would bring a rabbit to the female of the moment, and may stay for some days, but then leave. One woman would have a number of "boyfriends", and the men knew not who their children are, nor did they care. It was only when some very smart woman declared to some man that she "belonged to him forever", and would not have sex with any other man, that she could present her children to him as his, and demand that he too toil to raise the children. Thus women yoked men to productive tasks of producing material goods. As marriage deepened and men put their bodies and minds more and more into productive tasks, goods grew more abundant and exchange and trade appeared, along with a great increase in the population as far more children survived to adulthood, then tribes and states came into being, along with human civilization. Chastity and marriage are indeed the historical basis of human civilization.

:“婚姻提供一个固定的环境,让男女之间交配生子女”,这是什么意思?

长者:这主要是说及排他的、专一的性交:性交只在于配偶之间进行,亦称贞操。贞操重要,因为如果女人守贞操的话,丈夫可以肯定他养育的是他自己的孩子。如果女人不守贞操的话,生下另一个男人的孩子但不跟那个男人结婚,那么她就剥夺了那个男人,不让他养育自己孩子。要守道德的话,这个女人就要有多个丈夫。如果女人守贞操但丈夫不守贞操的话,那么丈夫要守道德就要娶多个妻子。历史惯例是多妻制而不是多夫制,因为男人的收入能力超过女人,男人能够供养多个妻子。

同时说起历史和贞操,就一定要指出,在人类发展史上,是女人的贞操带来了婚姻,然后是婚姻带来了文明。有婚姻之前,是原始母系社会,女人靠自己养育幼小,背着婴儿锄木薯,另一个小孩在旁边。男人呢,就成群共同居住,终日只顾着他们的战舞、战歌、猎取装饰羽毛、挑衅邻近部落搞世仇武斗。当男人感觉需要性交时,就捉只小兔给当天的女友,逗留几天后就走了。一个女人有多个“男朋友”,男人不知道谁是自己的孩子,也不理会。只是当某个非常聪明的女人对某个男人声明,她永远“属于”他,不跟其他男人性交,才可以指着她的孩子对他说,这是你的孩子,而要求他也作出劳动来养育孩子。正是这样,女人把男人绑上生产物质产品的劳动。随着婚姻的深化男人把身体和精神越来越投入生产,产品就越来越多,导致了交换和贸易,越来越多孩子们活到成人阶段,人口增加,部族和国家、人类文明都随着形成。历史上,贞操和婚姻的确是人类文明的基础。

I:   That was historically though; why be chaste now since there won't be any no children from the extra-marital liasons? We've got birth control now.

Elder:   Very good point. Still, sex is a very intense, emotional, mutually interacting experience so it should be used to strengthen bonds between the husband and wife. If done with outsiders it weakens the emotional marital bond and leads to mutual resentment, and we need the emotional marital bond to be as strong as possible so as to have better cooperation and to be permanent. Therefore we still need sex to be exclusive to the marriage and we still need chastity.

By the way, it's the same argument for abstaining from pre-marital sex and maintaining one's virginity: to make the emotional marital bond even stronger, so that the emotional bond from sexual intercourse is focused on only the spouse and no one else, there's no distraction, no comparison, no thought of another. Of course, this is for both men and women.

:但那是历史啊,现在有了避孕药,婚外性交不会产生孩子,为什么还要贞操?

长者:很好的问题。性交仍然是一个感情上很强烈的共同互动身受经历,应该用来增强丈夫和妻子之间的连结。如果跟外人进行,会弱化婚姻的感情连结,会引致互相怨恨,而婚姻的感情连结需要越强越好,才能有更好的合作和有永久性。所以,性交仍然必须是排他的、专一的,仍然需要有贞操。

顺便说,婚前不性交,保持处女状态,是同样的理由:使到婚姻的感情连结更强,使到性交的感情连结只集中于配偶,没有别人,没有分散力,没有比较,没有想念别人。当然,男女都应该这样。

I:   Now isn't marriage a form of male domination? In traditional marriage the woman and the children have to respect the man of the house, why?

Elder:   No, quite the contrary. As I have pointed out in my recounting of the prehistoric origin of marriage, marriage is actually a form of female domination - the female yokes the male to the raising of children. True, the woman and the children have to pay that man of the house respect, and indeed in Xiao Jing, where xiao or being good to parents and ancestors, is equated with the greatest virtue, it is said: "Of all forms of xiao, none is the greater than dignifying the father." Yes, that is to give men the satisfaction of respect at home from wife and children. Why? Because men need that sense of respect to satisfy their testosterone drive for glory, so as to keep them yoked to family and work, to keep their testosterone-driven lust for excitement, achievement and glory in check and focused on family and work. This is the basis of marriage; and marriage is the basis of human civilization itself.

When we look at the downtrodden minorities of various countries, the above argument becomes very clear: in downtrodden minorities the male is often given no respect by the women and the children in the home. Of course, this is a reflection of that fact that they are not given respect in mainstream society as a whole. That the male is given no respect by the women and the children in the home is a clear sign of the downtrodden condition of that minority. As we well know, what accompanies this lack of respect is breakdown of the family unit in those minorities, crime, juvenile delinquincy, academic under-achievement, alcoholism and drug abuse, and so forth. In turn, mainstream society then uses this to further justify discrimination against that minority, resulting in a vicious cycle that keeps the downtrodden minority down.

In contrast, during the 20th century in many Asian immigrant families where the father figure remains strong and the wife and children all continue to respect the man of the family, even though the new arrivals are poor and occupy low socioeconomic strata, the children often grow up to be upwardly mobile and doing very well.

Also, lack of respect for men in general and men as husbands by their wives and as fathers by their children is a pernicious side effect of the "women's liberation movement" that has swept so many lands. One look at the TV shows and movies and one can tell: the heroines suddenly and often mistakenly lash out at and even physically assault the hapless men who do nothing, and the shows arrange for no censure or consequences at all for these heroines, and this is considered normal and OK. Also, the women dress in a seductive way, exposing their thighs and breasts, but the men are not allowed to act on their aroused sexual desires. Female seduction is an exercise of female power over men, especially younger men, who physically get aroused by sight, even against their will - this is the power of women over men, analogous to men's power by physical strength over women - and the men are to meekly subject themselves to it and neither act to satisfy their physical arousal nor to demand that the seductive way of dressing stop. To be sure, there are many injustices against women, but correcting those injustices should not result in disrespect for the man, for husband and father. Unfortunately that has happened. We now see in those lands amazingly high divorce rates and younger males being uninterested in marriage. Of course, there are other factors at play, but lack of respect for husband and father, lack of satisfaction of the male need for respect, is a key factor.

Indeed, it is most important that males be given due respect by wives and offspring to maintain the strength and vitality of marriage and hence the strength and vitality of society itself.

:但是,婚姻不是男人操纵控制女人的制度吗?为什么传统的婚姻里,女人和孩子要尊敬那个家庭里的男人呢?

长者:不,正好相反,正如我谈史前婚姻起源时所说,婚姻其实是女人操纵控制男人的制度,女人把男人绑起来,养育子女。的确,女人和孩子都要对那个家庭里的男人尊敬,把“孝”即对父母和祖先好,看作为最高德行的《孝经》说,“孝莫大于严父(‘严父’即尊敬父亲,‘严’这里是动词)”,也正是说,要给男人以家里妻儿尊敬的满足感。为什么呢?因为男人需要那种尊敬的感受来满足男性激素所引致的、他们要争取光荣的动力。这样才能把他们绑于家庭和工作上,把他们被男性激素所驱动的对兴奋激动事情、成就、和光荣的强烈欲望有所收敛,集中在家庭和工作上。这就是婚姻的基础,而婚姻就是人类文明本身的基础。

当我们看看多个国家里的被踩踏少数民族,上面的道理就很清楚了:被踩踏的少数民族里,很多时男人在家里得不到女人和孩子的尊敬。当然,这只不过反映他们在整个主流社会里得不到尊敬的状况。少数民族男人在家里得不到女人和孩子的尊敬,就明显地证实了该少数民族是被踩踏的。众所知晓,伴随着不尊敬就是这些少数民族里家庭的破裂、犯罪、少年犯法、学业成绩低下、酗酒、吸毒等等。主流社会转过来就使用这些状况为由,继续对这少数民族歧视,导致一个恶性循环,把该少数民族继续踩踏。

与此相反的是,二十世纪很多亚洲移民家庭,父亲形象很强,妻子和孩子们都尊敬,所以虽然新来的移民很穷,处低下的社会经济阶层,但孩子们长大后都向上层移动,表现得很好。

此外,对男人的普遍不尊敬和妻子对丈夫、子女对父亲的不尊敬,是风行多地的“妇女解放运动”的恶毒副作用。看一下电视片和电影便知道:女主角很多时突然地和错误地痛骂或甚至打踢男人,男人就不知所措,逆来顺受,而影片对女主角则一些谴责或后果都不设置,而这都被当作正常。另外,女人穿着妖媚富于引诱性,把大腿和胸部暴露,但男人们不许因为性欲被激起而作出任何行为。女人作出妖媚引诱是行使她们对男人的控制操纵能力,尤其是对年轻男人,因为他们肉体上被视觉激发性欲,尽管是违反他们意愿的,这就是女人对男人的肉体控制操纵能力,相对于男人以气力大而对女人所能够作出的肉体操纵能力;而男人们就要顺服地让女人行使控制操纵,不能做出行动来满足被激发的性欲,亦不能要求女人停止引诱性的穿着。的确,有很多对女人的不公平,但纠正这些不公平不应该造成对男人、对丈夫、对父亲的不尊敬。不幸地,这发生了。在这些地方现在出现了极高的离婚率和年轻男子对婚姻的不感兴趣。当然,也有其他因素,但对丈夫和父亲的不尊敬,男人得到尊敬的需要得不到满足,是一个关键性的因素。

是的,男人得到妻子和子女的尊敬非常重要,这样才能保持婚姻的坚固和活力,从而保持社会本身的坚固和活力。

I:   Alright, fine, get married in order to have mutual help to raise the chidren. But once the children are raised, can't the two then divorce and separate? Why still permanancy? Why remain bonded together then?

Elder:   Goodness, after all these years of struggling together for a common goal, building a life together to raise the children, wouldn't there be a comradely emotional bond? Wouldn't there be a deep love? Wouldn't there be a desire to spend the last years together?

:好吧,结婚,互相帮助,养育子女。但是,一旦子女养育成人之后,夫妻不就可以离婚分手吗?为什么还要永久性呢?那时为什么还要粘在一起呢?

长者:呵呵,经过这么多年的共同奋斗,共同建设生活,养育子女,没有一种同志般的亲切感情吗?没有深厚的爱吗?不会想一起共渡晚年吗?

I:   Sure, for those who are emotionally bonded, go ahead and remain in a permanent union and until death do you part, but why not separate for those who are not so emotionally bonded?

Elder:   One has the responsibility to financially support one's wife, and one spouse has the responsibility to emotionally support the other spouse.

:感情上亲切的人当然应该继续永久性的联合,至死不分,但没有这种感情的人为什么不能分离啊?

长者:有责任经济上供养妻子,亦有责任感情上支持配偶对方。

I:   But what if both sides mutually despise each other, then mutual emotional support becomes a non-issue, and what if economically the wife doesn't have any problems with independence - even if she has all she needs is for the court to award alimony - then why can't they divorce once they've finished raising the children?

Elder:   Well, you are increasing the total cost of living having the two of you live separately as compared to having the two of you live together, so that your financial resources will run out sooner. This places a heavier financial burden on the children to support the two of you when you are old and infirm. Moreover, having the two of you apart will place a heavier burden on the children to look after the two of you medically and physically when you live apart as opposed to living together, looking in on you, taking the two of you to the Dr., etc., will take twice as much time. Besides, with the two of you togehter you can to some extent look after each other in your infirmity, and that lessens the burden on the children; living apart their burden increases.

:但是,如果双方都讨厌对方了,那么感情上相互支持的命题就根本不存在,而且如果妻子经济上独立也没有问题的话,或就算有问题法庭判决赡养费就行了,那么为什么不可以养育完子女就离婚?

长者:那么,分开居住就会使到两个人的总生活费比同居时更高,经济资源会更早耗尽,这就会加重你们老弱时子女们供养你们的负担。另外,两个人分居会使到子女们需要医疗上和生理上照顾你们时,例如看望你们、带你们去看医生等,将会花更多时间,因为需要两边跑。而且,你们一起时可以在某程度上互相照顾,减轻他们的负担,分居则会使他们的负担加重。

I:   Oh goodness, but surely the children should shoulder some cost for the sake of our happiness? After all, we've given them so much! What is there left, to morally bind a couple together after the children are raised?

Elder:   Very good question. I am so glad you persist in your questioning. There is a big, very big, moral reason to remain married, even if the two spouses are so flawed that they have not been able to form a deep emotional bond of love after all those years working to build a life together.

That big moral reason is: continuing to cooperate, in order to create a multi-generational extended family of much more total overall mutual help and therefore greater morality, since mutual help is morality, instead of splitting the family up into merely two-generational nuclear families with much less total overall mutual help nad therefore lesser morality.

This includes cooperating to continue to help and nurture the children, especially helping them raise the grandchildren. A couple more pairs of hands is much better than none, especially when these hands are commited due to the emotional bonds of being family. Also, the grandparents are more relaxed and under less work pressure, and will have much more patience with the children. Having other adults than one's parents to provide nurture and culture will only enrich the grandchildren.

Building an extended family also includes providing a focus for the offspring to wholeheartedly, with full commitment, support and care for you in your old age and infirmity, since you wholeheartedly, with full commitment, support and care for each other and for them and their offspring.

On the contrary, if you are separated and then remarried, the offspring will feel less or even no urge to support and care for you.

Your remaining together provides a moral example of full commitment to mutual help, mutual caring and mutual support.

The multigenerational extended family is a great achievement for human morality.

(...continued)

:哎哟,但孩子们不是应该为我们的快乐作出一点负担吗?毕竟我们为他们做了这么多事!孩子们养育后,还剩下什么可以在道德上把夫妇绑在一起的呢?

长者:很好的问题啊!你坚持问下去真好!道德上有一个非常非常重大的理由要继续婚姻,尽管他们俩品格有这么大的缺陷,经过这么多年建设共同生活的工作都仍然不能形成深厚感情的爱。

重大的道德理由就是:继续合作,建设一个几代人的、互助多得更多因而更道德的(因为互助就是道德)大家庭,而不是把家庭分裂为几个只有两代人的、互助少得更多因而没有这么多道德的核子家庭。

这包括合作来继续帮助和养育子女,尤其是帮助他们养育孙儿女。多两对手总比没有好得多,尤其是两对坚持的、具有家人感情的手。而且,祖父母比父母更为轻松,没有这么大的工作压力,对孙子们更有耐心。除了父母之外,得到其他富于感情的成人提供养育和文化,只会使到孙子们的栽培更为丰富。

建设大家庭亦包括为子女提供一个全心全意供养照顾老弱父母的凝聚核心,因为你们全心全意地互相照顾和照顾他们及他们的子女。

相反如果你们分居重婚的话,子女们会觉得没有那么大的动机或甚至没有动机,去供养和照顾你们。

你们继续在一起,将会提供一个全心全意互相帮助、互相照顾、互相支持的典范。

多代大家庭,这是人类道德上的一个重大成就。

... 继续



← Back to Essays Page 回到论文页 ← To "Dialogues-1" 到“对话一” To "Dialogues-3" 到“对话三” →

 
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